How to get over self-sabotaging thoughts and feelings? Part 3 of 3.

This is the final instalment of a three-part series about limiting beliefs: how to identify them, uncover their emotional power, and ultimately transform them into thoughts that “spark joy" and help you move forward with meaning. Click here to read the first part and here to read the second part. 

A bow-tied Jiminy Cricket with a head full of question marks

A black, viscous, oily splotch 

An oval face with empty eyes and a gaping mouth

A green carnival mask 

Are these clues from a dated detective board game? 

Or elusive fragments from an epic dream?

All good guesses, but they’re actually illustrations of limiting beliefs drawn by some of my clients. 

And they play a critical role in how to send your self-sabotaging thoughts and emotions packing in order to free up space for those that spark joy instead.  


Before we get into that, let's recap what we’ve uncovered in these last two blog posts:

• We learned how to detect thoughts and beliefs that are self-sabotaging and fear-based.

• We learned how those thoughts and beliefs trigger emotions and then actions.

I’m not sure which beliefs you’d like to transform, but let’s play with one that many women hear with the volume on full-blast. 

“I’m not good enough.”

Did you know that if women don’t feel 100% qualified for a position they won’t apply for it, while men apply if they think they meet just 60% of the job criteria?

That’s exactly how a limiting belief like “I’m not good enough” can translate into emotions such as fear and insecurity which then trigger actions (or inaction in this case). 

So how do we go about unraveling that belief, or at least diminishing its grip on our lives?

Step 1: Investigate

Let’s say you hear “I’m not good enough” on loop in your mind. Your mission now is to slip into the shoes of a detective—impartial but passionate—and learn everything you can about this sentence as if your job depends on it.

• When exactly does it pop up?

• What are you doing when you hear it? 

• What are you doing right before you hear it?

• What does it actually sound like? 

• Who’s voice is speaking?

• What are the characteristics of the voice?

• How familiar is it? 

• What color is it?

• What shape is it?

• Who shows up in your life in the way that this voice does?
  
  

Step 2:  Draw

Once you have as much information as you can possibly gather about this belief, where it likes to hang out, when it decides to pop up, what it sounds like, what it smells like, what it looks like, from its color to its shape and size. When you have all of those details figured out, go ahead and draw it. 

Step 3: Absorb

So what does “I’m not good enough” look like? 

• Is it fat or skinny?

• Is it liquid or solid? 

• Is it an amorphose blob?

• A familiar face?

• A TV character?

• Is it an object?

• Is it an animal?

• Is it large and looming, or can you fit it in your pocket?

Whatever it is, welcome it. Without judgement or disgust. And see what sensations come up in your body when you look at it.

Step 4: Listen 

Now that you’ve gotten really comfortable with this new character and the sensations it creates when you’re around it, the next step is to listen to what it really has to say. Treat it like a friend that you haven’t seen for a while and that you’re excited to catch up with. Here are some of the questions you can ask it:

• What are you doing here?

• What do you want me to know?

• What are you most concerned about?

• What are you trying to protect me from?

• What do you need from me?

Step 4: Share

Now that you know what keeps this voice up at night, what pushes its buttons, what it’s trying to protect you from, and how it most wants to be reassured, let it know that you’ve heard and respected its message. And it's your turn now to speak. 

• What do you want to tell it? 

• What does it need to know about how its presence is impacting your life? 

• What is it preventing you from doing?

• How can you can co-exist as partners?

• How can the voice continue to look out for you without holding you back?

Step 5: Transform

Bravo! You’ve successfully transformed your limiting belief from an all-controlling, fear-inducing, action-sabotaging mystery into a defined persona with needs and wants of its own. It's now a character that you can interact with, and potentially cohabitate with. Maybe it’s even donned a cute little Jiminy Cricket outfit, or a dazzling green mask. 

But do you want to keep it in your wardrobe of beliefs? Does it truly spark joy?

If it doesn’t, then what belief could take its place? 

Let’s go back to “I’m not good enough” as an example. 

Here are some beliefs that you could swap it for while still respecting its legacy:

“I’m getting better at this.”

“There’s a really good chance I can do this.”

“I’m excited to try this out.”

“I want to see where this goes.”

“This is part of my process.”

“I can go at my own pace.”

“If I stumble, I can get back up”

“I’m not alone.”

Step 6: Scan for Joy
What emotions and sensations do those beliefs bring up? How do they feel in your body? You like what they're doing for you? You more comfortable, relaxed, confident? Are you moving around with a bit more ease?

Do a scan and really absorb what's going on in your body and remember this: you have the ability to change the beliefs in your mind. So there's no reason to settle for a belief that keeps you cut-off and restricted from your best self. You can't afford it. This world can't afford it. Eh Voila! 

Alrighty! I hope you’ve enjoyed this series as much as I have had researching and writing it. I’d love any feedback about which of these posts (if any) have resonated with you. And please definitely let me know if you’ve swapped out any of your beliefs for ones that spark more joy in the wardrobe of your mind.

How to get over self-sabotaging thoughts and feelings? Part 2 of 3.

This is the second of a three-part series about limiting beliefs: how to identify them, uncover their emotional power, and ultimately transform them into thoughts that “spark joy."
Click here to read the first part.

It's 11:45am on a rainy Parisian spring day. I walk into an empty restaurant where I have plans to meet a friend for lunch an hour later. 

I tell the woman behind the counter that I’m early for lunch, but that I’d like to have a coffee and sit and work a bit before my friend arrives. 

“There’s no one in the kitchen now,” she snips. 

“That’s fine, I’m not ordering any food yet,” I say.

“How many will you be?” she asks. 

“Just two.”

She points to a table by the door and tells me that’s the only table for two that’s available. 

It’s raining and chilly outside and I ask whether I can sit somewhere further inside.

She points to another table in the back, by the toilets. 

I’m not feeling that location either. Especially since every single seat in the place is currently empty and it's just a casual, neighborhood place. 

I spot a little table for two on the cushioned couch in the center of the restaurant and ask if I can sit there. 

She rolls her eyes, let's out a huge exasperated sigh and nods “yes” reluctantly.  

I walk calmly over to the table, take off my backpack and my bright red raincoat. As I start to sit down I hear the dull thud of old coffee being banged out of the portafilter and the hissing of steam on the espresso machine. 

I turn around and say, “oh, I’d like an allongée” (an americano)  not the regular short café that I assume she’s starting to make.


She lets out another enormous sigh, so loud this time that I can feel her distain wash over my body like the Polar vortex.

My throat seizes, my heart starts racing. I want to scream and run out of there. 

In the 45 seconds that this entire scene unfolds a million thoughts have raced through my mind. 

“I hate this woman!”

“I’m going to walk out of here.”

“I’m going to leave a bad review on Yelp.”

“I should contact the owner and complain.” 

“This would never happen in America.”

“People are evil.”

The emotions that boiled up were a mix of hatred, anger, even guilt. ("How did I provoke this?")

And then I took a deep breath and thought about my last message to you about tracking self-sabotaging thoughts and feelings, which brought on a wave of new ones:

“She must be having a hard day.”

“This job clearly isn’t working out for her.”

“Interacting with humans is hard when you're miserable.”

“It’s not you Zeva, it’s her.”

“Write about this and you’ll feel better.”

I suddenly felt more calm, grounded, confident, and even grateful as I found the tools to transform this experience into something positive. 

How did that all happen? If we slow down the process frame-by-frame, like in a comic book, this is how thoughts and emotions work together. 

• We experience something 

• Our beliefs and thoughts give meaning to that experience

• We feel an emotion

• We react to our feelings

• We experience the consequences of our reactions

Ultimately our beliefs trigger emotions, which then trigger actions. 

Most beliefs are based on stories that have developed into truths over a long time. 

Sometimes those beliefs were born well before we were. They’ve been passed along like soft, hand-me-downs from one generation to another. They can go way, way back. 

When my clients use expressions that are clearly not from their generation, I take it is a cue to start digging around to the root of the belief, and the emotions that swim in its wake. 

Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett sums this process up exceptionally well in her fascinating book How Emotions Are Made.

"Everything you feel is based on prediction from your knowledge and past experience. You are truly an architect of your experience. Believing is feeling."

As architects of our experience, we can rewire our mind to create new beliefs and emotions, and turn most situations around. 

Just like my experience in the restaurant:

• Change the belief

• Alter the emotion

• Cue up a new range of options

• Chose the action that suits you best

So let’s explore the beliefs that you've jotted down since my last blogpost. If you’re in need of a few here are some that I’ve collected from some generous donors. 

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not creative enough.”

“I’ll never find my path”

“I’m too old.”

“I’m finished.”

"I'm unlovable.”

Now, let me ask you, do any of those beliefs sound familiar to you? 

What emotions do they trigger?

Are they useful emotions? 

Are they emotions that lift you up and inspire? 

Or do they make your blood boil? 

And your heart sink? 

Next steps:

Go back to your list of limiting beliefs (or start a new one), read them over and write down whatever emotions or sensations come up when you think of them.

And then ask yourself:

• What is it like to live with this belief? 

• Who might I be and what might I be able to do if I let this belief go?

I'll see you soon with some tools on how to transform your limiting beliefs into ones that spark joy and get your moving ahead with meaning, at a comfortable table with the beverage of choice in your hands :) 

PPS. Oh, and one more thing: I'm doing a vision board workshop on May 17th in Paris and have 4 spots left. Click here to snatch yours up. It's a fun and creative way to visualize your hidden goals while tackling any limiting beliefs and fears that are holding you back from going after them. 

How to get over self-sabotaging thoughts and feelings? Part 1 of 3.

This is the first in a three-part series about limiting beliefs: how to identify them, uncover their emotional power, and ultimately transform them into thoughts that “spark joy" and help you move forward with meaning. 

Marie Kondo has helped millions of people rid their homes of objects that clutter their lives. 

“My mission is to spark joy in the world through tidying,” she says in the first episode of her Netflix series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo before we meet an overwhelmed couple with two young kids and a house busting at the seams.

“The cluttered house seems to be affecting their relationship as well,” says Kondo about Rachel and Kevin, the exhausted homeowners and young couple who are having a seriously hard time liking each other.  

“I would like to help this couple focus on what matters most to them, time with their family,” she continues before helping them bring light and joy back into their home. And, more importantly, back into their couple. 

Where focus goes, the energy flows. 

By asking people to wake up their objects, hold them close and look for a spark of joy in their bodies, Marie Kondo is teaching people how to identify and focus on what's most important. 

She’s also helping people learn a physical and emotional language in order to do so— a new tool to put in their self-development toolbox.

What I love about her concept, dear reader,  is how poetic and simple it is. 

And how it can be applied not only to objects, but also to the beliefs in your head. 

Here what I mean by that.

Our beliefs play a huge role in our experiences. They are the thoughts that shape our perception of ourselves and the world. 

Some beliefs help us move forward. 

“There’s no such thing as failure, only feedback.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

“Clarity comes through action.”

Some beliefs keep us back.

”You need to be certain that it will work before you start.”

“Money equals success.”

“You need to lie, cheat and steal to get to the top.”

Beliefs are not facts.  They are thoughts, myths or generalities that we perceive as truths. 

How do these thoughts become “truths?”

• Because we overhear them growing up. 

• Because we acquire them socially. 

• Because we cultivate them to fit it. 

• Because we nurture them to create a certain life view and identity. 

• Because we haven’t found a reason or evidence not to believe them.

In coaching, one of the big things we do is work on identifying and tidying up the beliefs in your head. The ones that tend to drag you down, hold you back, distract you from what you really want. 

Like the boxes of junk that you keep tripping over — you don’t have to keep beliefs that are holding you back! 

You have the control to kindly say au revoir to the beliefs that are holding you back. “Thank you for your service, for protecting me and looking out for me, for helping me feel safe, or connected, but you no longer serve me now.”

Change the belief and you can change your emotional reaction to something, and therefore how you feel and respond to any situation. 

So, dear reader I ask you to do the following thing this week as a little Marie Kondo experiment:

Keep a notebook or journal with you for one week and write down any thoughts, or annoying voices that leave a bitter taste in your mouth. That drag you down. Make you feel shitty. Hold you back from being a more joyful you.

Just like that pair of skinny jeans from twenty years ago that you dream of one day fitting into again but that chances are you won’t and that just serve to remind you of how you’re getting older and you’re body isn’t what it once was. Wouldn’t it be lovely to just thank those jeans for their years of service and send them packing?

So for now, when you hear those “skinny jeans” beliefs pop up in your head, write them down. 

And I’ll be back in a couple of weeks to guide you through the next step: how to uncover the emotions that are attached to your beliefs.

How to get a full-body YES when making a big life decision

I pulled out a black-and-white marble notebook and drew a big line down the center of a page.  

It was Spring of 1992 and I was a Senior in High School. My mom, step-dad and my best friend Helen were with me celebrating at Fiorentino’s, the best Italian restaurant (RIP) in all of Brooklyn.

We had just finished off a couple of orders of “spiedini alla romana,” the deep-fried mozzarella with anchovy sauce that the restaurant was famous for and that I still dream about to this day.  

And now it was time to get down to some serious business before our main dishes arrived. Deciding which college I would go to the following year. 

So we did what most people do when faced with an enormous, once-in-a-lifetime decision: a pros and cons list! 

What a concise and curious way of making a huge life decision, don't you think?

• We challenge ourselves to get really, really cerebral and serious about a decision.

• We write down a bunch of items in each column in a factual, dissociated way.

• We diligently count up the number on each side. 

• We make a decision based on the column that has the highest score.

• We stick to that decision OR scrap it all and decide what we really want to do. 

• And we try to complete the task all before the check arrives!

Even though I’m pretty certain I made the right move when it came to college, as a coach I’ve learned that pros and cons lists are terribly flawed because they often neglect the physical and emotional components of decision making.


A better way to “experience” a decision is to travel into the future and try it on for size, looking for clues to what its impact may be from an emotional, physical and intellectual perspective.

When it comes to making full-body decisions I’ve seen my clients have huge revelations with the “sit and scan” technique we do together. 

So, what’s the “sit and scan” technique, how does it blow pros and cons lists out of the water, and how can you learn the steps to make full-body YES decisions all on your own?

Read on to find out.

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Imagine that each chair here represents a different life choice. Have a seat and see what comes up.

What’s the “sit and scan” technique?

Instead of simply using your rational mind to guide your choices, the “sit and scan” technique lets you experience your emotional, mental and physical impressions/reactions to a future scenario. 


How does it work?

The technique uses visualization to “travel through time” while actually sitting still. By projecting yourself into the future you can scan your body for what your feeling, saying and doing at two distinct moments in time. 

1. The moment right after you’ve made a decision.

2. Six months after making the decision. 

When the best moment to use this technique?

When you have 2 distinct choices that you’re struggling between. For example:

• Whether to accept a job with a prestigious brand with questionable management or go to the less illustrious tech company whose product you’re less passionate about. 

• Whether to switch companies and accept a position that has more responsibility and a higher pay while leaving a company that you’ve known for years. 

• Whether to take an ambitious promotion internally and jeopardize the work/life balance you’ve worked years to achieve. 

• Whether to leave a profession that makes you miserable but that you’ve worked decades to build, or to launch out on your own and start your own company. 

• Whether to accept a freelance gig with a former employer that you have a unhealthy relationship with, or say no and focused on the internal work you’re doing to uncover a new professional path. 

What materials do I need?

• Two equally comfortable chairs in a quiet space. 

• A notebook or voice recorder.

• A good hour of time ahead of you. 

• A friend or coach who stands nothing to gain from the outcome of your decision. 

What are the different steps?

Step 1:

Imagine that one chair represents Option A and the other Option B. 

Step 2:

Go sit in Chair A.

Close your eyes and visualize everything that is happening from the point of view of having just chosen that option. 

You’ve made the decision. Now answer the following questions: 

• How does your body feel?

• What is your breathing like?

• Do you sense any tension anywhere in your body? 

• If so, where? 

• If not, what are you feeling?

• What do you see?

• What do you hear?

• Who are you with?

• What are you thinking right now?

• What are your biggest concerns?

• How has your decision affected your entourage?

• What changes have taken place?

• What changes will take place?

• What excites you?

• What scares you?

• If you could improve anything about your current situation, what would that be?

Step 3: 

Stay in the same chair. But this time project yourself 6 months into the future. You made the decision to go with Option A six months ago. Now answer the following questions:

• How do you feel right now?

• What’s going on in your body?

• What are you saying to yourself?

• How do you feel about what’s happened over the last six months?

• What’s changed in your life?

• What’s remained the same?

• How has your entourage been impacted by your decision?

• What surprised you about the way things have unfolded?

• What have you learned about yourself?

• What do you wish had happened differently?

• If you could improve anything about your current situation, what would that be?

Step 4: 

Go sit in Chair B.

Close your eyes and visualize everything that is happening from the point of view of having just chosen that option. 

You’ve made the decision. Now answer the following questions: 

• How does your body feel?

• What is your breathing like?

• Do you sense any tension anywhere in your body? 

• If so, where? 

• If not, what are you feeling?

• What do you see?

• What do you hear?

• Who are you with?

• What are you thinking right now?

• What are your biggest concerns?

• How has your decision affected your entourage?

• What changes have taken place?

• What changes will take place?

• What excites you?

• What scares you?

• If you could improve anything about your current situation, what would that be?

Step 5:

Stay in the same chair. But this time project yourself 6 months into the future. You made the decision to go with Option A six months ago. Now answer the following questions:

• How do you feel right now?

• What’s going on in your body?

• What are you saying to yourself?

• How do you feel about what’s happened over the last six months?

• What’s changed in your life?

• What’s remained the same?

• How has your entourage been impacted by your decision?

• What surprised you about the way things have unfolded?

• What have you learned about yourself?

• What do you wish had happened differently?

• If you could improve anything about your current situation, what would that be?

Now what?

Only you can tell at this point which option, if any, feels right! You never know, there may be a third, fourth, or fifth option to consider if neither of the scenarios you’ve explored give you a full-body YES! 

Taboo vaccines and fear inoculations

She looked down at the screaming woman’s face and instantly felt her stomaching tightening up into a tense little knot.  

The fierce and wild expression seemed out of place with all of the softer pictures and words in her collage.

Like someone else had stuck it there by accident, or worse, glued it there intentionally to make her sick.

Over the last few weeks I’ve done four vision board workshops and spoke with dozens of women about what they see in their collages.

Each collage is made up of cut-out images and words that my clients choose quickly and then edit and arrange on their boards with care.

When the collages are all done and everyone has started talking about the lovely things they see in their boards, I shift speed and throw out a doozy of a question. 

What part of the collage makes you feel uncomfortable?

That was the question I asked that led us to “the scream.”

The question hits hard, especially since all of the other questions are as sweet and cuddly as a basket full of puppies. 

It’s my favorite question. (And no, I’m not a sadist.)

So, why do I love that question so much?

What we recoil from and find irritating, repulsive or just flat out unacceptable (mostly in others) is the proverbial “pot of goal” of personal development. 

It helps us uncover a desire or need that seems totally off-limits to us. Unauthorized. Unorthodox. Taboo. 

Watching others nonchalantly behave in that taboo way feels like nails across a chalkboard. Just plain wrong! 

But, you want what, it’s not about them, it’s about you. 

The reason that image or behavior shocks us is because we need a little bit of it in our lives. Let me explain.

Like a vaccine shot to protect us from getting deathly ill, we need a little bit of what repulses us to balance out the rest. 

What we can’t stand in others is what we’re missing (to a certain degree) in ourselves. 

Here are some examples:

Repulsion: That “pretentious snob” of a co-worker who’s loud and outspoken in meetings even though his ideas are so basic and boring.

Vaccine: Accepting imperfection. 

Next steps Don’t kill your ideas before they’ve hatched. Share them even when you’re not 100% convinced others will appreciate them. 

Repulsion: That “selfish” and “insensitive” friend who always arrives late. Always. And never apologizes for it. 

Vaccine: Living in the present. 

Next steps: What’s most important to you right now? If there were no consequences to any of your decisions, what would you decide to do?

Repulsion: That “rigid” co-worker who’s “inflexibility” and “hesitation” keeps everything stuck in standstill.   

Vaccine: Slowing down the process. 

Next steps: What would happen if you slowed down the process and embraced the journey without racing to the destination? 

You see where I’m going with this?

Now let’s get back to that screaming face in the first sentence of this post. What did my client find so repulsive about it? 

As a new entrepreneur starting out in the wellness business, it was a reminder of how scared she is about speaking publicly about her new profession and how terrified she is that she’ll never get over her insecurities.

What she realized during the workshop was that the scream symbolizes brazenness, intensity, determination. The exact qualities, in vaccine-size-doses, that she needs to develop in order to live off of what she loves. 

It boils down to identifying (and accepting), rather than reacting to and recoiling from what makes us uncomfortable, like the dragons in this famous Rainer Maria Rilke quote:

“How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races—the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses. Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”

Where does this mean for you?

• Next time you have a strong reaction/repulsion to someone’s behavior, move beyond the “EEK” feeling and try and see what bothers you so much. 

• What has this person allowed themselves to do/be that offends you so much ?

• When you peel back the onion, what permission in its purest form is at the root of their behavior (honesty, spontaneity, self-love )?

• What vaccine-size-dose of that permission could you inject yourself with?

• What one thing could you try differently now that you’ve been inoculated?

Keep me posted on what you uncover, and if you want to go further and tackle some more of taboos, reach out and book a call with me.

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Photo by Gabriel Matula on Unsplash

Anne-Sophie Roquette finds her "pelote de laine" at L'Atelier13

“Pelote de laine”

It means “ball of yarn” in French.

And it's crazy how often my clients use that expression in our sessions. 

Not because they’re knitters, or obsessed with sweaters, or particularly manual. 

But because unraveling their web of fears and desires feels a lot like untangling a jumbled ball of yarn. 

You know what I mean, right? When you're searching desperately for that little thread at the beginning of the spool so that those tight intersections can start opening up and letting loose?

And when your fingers finally it everything starts to settled down —your shoulders relax, your eyes soften, your breath calms down. The relief and satisfaction is huge. At last, you can start getting on with your stuff!

I'm fascinated by the “pelote de laine” stories of everyday women who figure out how to loosen up their tangled web of interests and doubts and confidently put their ideas into action. 

That's why I’d love to introduce you to Anne-Sophie Roquette, founder of the French fashion and accessories brand L’Atelier13, who found her career calling by listening to what her fingers were telling her as they worked through a real “pelote de laine.” 

Read my interview below with this super inspiring women who went from corporate life to entrepreneurialism while raising three small kids below.

*On Friday January 25, 2019, I’ll be giving vision board workshop at Anne-Sophie’s showroom as part of her Inspirants community events for her clients. Click here to reserve your spot.

Anne-Sophie Roquette at her L’Atelier 13 Showroom

What inspired you to start making your own accessories considering the amount of work you already had going on (career, kids, etc)?

It all started while I had my young daughters. Being stuck at home for long nap hours and early nights, I had to get busy with something, and I found out that manual activities were a great satisfaction to me. It gave me the happy feeling of using my time with something productive. 

How did you find the time to devote to that passion?

I really wonder now how I did find the time. I guess when something becomes your priority (for sanity or for pleasure), you always find the time! My days were really packed but I had that urge to make them even more, which, now that I think about it, and at the time where I try to take things and life slower, seems crazy to me. 

I believe that I was in this age where being productive and making the most of every minute was the most important to me. I would never sop. As soon as the kids were in bed, I would work on a project. At the park watching the kids ? In the subway ? I started knitting before I was even sitting. Conference calling with lawyers ? A knitting project in my hands. I was doing something all the time. That's hilarious when you think about it !

When did you know that it was the right time to switch full-time into your new career? 

It came as a conjonction of different moments. I never thought I would switch. I loved my job, and was fully aware of the ups and downs of launching a business, especially in the quite crowded fashion industry. So it took a while before I even envisioned it, at least a year. 

By then, that little project had been flourishing and meeting some success, and at the same time I wanted to have my third child and some time to take care of her, and on top of it, the company I was working for was growing too much, evolving into something that I no longer felt connected to. I had turned 37 and felt it was now or never. So I allowed myself a two year break to have that baby and cherish every moment of her first years, and concentrate on working on my project. It's been 4 years now, and I don't regret any of it!

What fears or doubts did you have to overcome? 

The main fear is that you leave something that you know and enjoy, for the unknown, the uncertainty, the unpredictability. That was my biggest concern. But once you realize that, if you want to go back to that job, two years from now, you'll still have that same back ground and experience, and be able to interview and find another job, everything seems much easier. I always decided to think that if things were going to turn bad, I would always be able to find a job. That's a great security.

Behind the clothes, the bags, the shoes — what does your brand represent to you?

My brand is really a concentration of what I like most in the way that I envision work. It embodies my values :

Work: Work with people that you are happy to work with, that you get to choose, whether they are interns or suppliers that you care for, that you help grow and help you grow. 

Perseverance: Being an entrepreneur is not an piece of cake. Some days are harder than others. But I strongly believe that if you keep your vision in mind, no matter what path your days are following, you will end up achieving your goals.

Fulfillment and Happiness: I think you do things much better when you're happy to do them, preferably under the least pressure possible.

Balance: My business could develop faster, probably, but my life is full of many things, and I choose to devote some time for them all: my kids and their projects, my yoga practice, my husband and our well being as a couple (which involves spending time together, but also cooking good food ;-))

What do you want you clients to feel or experience in your creations?

I want them to feel comfortable and sexy, different but with a sense of belonging. I want them to dress in the morning and accessorize with no headache and always feel good no matter where they are, at school with the kids, at work, at a cocktail that same night. 

What made you decide to launch the Inspirations series of workshops for your clients?

I noticed that most of my clients have the same aspirations and hopes as I do. Thinking about the way to balance our busy lives, find moments of joy and well-being, discover new things, in order to improve, become better moms, professionals, wives, friends... The community behind L'ATELIER 13 is eager to share and discover, know better, feel better, and I thought that a good way to serve that community was to bring that kind of value. I'm driven by what I feel like doing, and learning, and I really hope that it could interest more women, so I was very enthusiastic about bringing that value through my brand. 

What piece in your collection means the most to you?

Probably the first one, the Cosi Bag, as it really launched the project. I came up with the design as I was sewing a dress. The top of that dress made me think of a bag, and I decided to test it out and found out that it was a very convenient one, and yet stylish. That I could make it with the fabrics I wanted and therefore really design it to match my style. 

It was the bag that I could fold in my purse, and use when I stopped after work for grocery shopping. It was the bag that I could use to carry my kids stuff, no matter how many pieces there were to be carried (sweaters, scarves, gloves, hats, snacks...), that I could wash if necessary, in a word, my daily companion.

I started to make some for people who asked, and I believe I sew nearly a hundred, at night and on week-end, before I thought it could be smart to find a workshop that could help me out. This is how the venture started!

If you’d like to meet Anne-Sophie in person come join us on Friday, January 25th 2019 at her showroom where I’ll be giving a vision board workshop as part of her Inspirants evens series for her community . Click here to purchase your spot.

Tools in Your Pockets

Pockets. They’re designed to keep useful tools close by. Against the body. Like a second skin. So that when you need to jot something down. Remember a task. Fix something. Hold something for later. You don’t have to scramble around like a basket case trying to find it. 

Or rely on someone else for help. 

In short: they help you be better at being you.

Up until the French revolution women had large pockets tucked under their voluminous skirts that were large enough to hold books, mending materials, writing devices, and even lunch. 

But as fashion became more streamlined, women’s pockets moved off the body and into handbags — more distant, easier to misplace, or have stolen.

Making essential tools harder to find and more difficult to access in need. 

“Pockets speak to this question of preparedness, and your ability to move in public and to be confident. It’s really difficult to get around if you don’t have what you need...” says Hannah Carlson, a lecturer at the Rhode Island School of Design who was interviewed about the politics of pockets in the awesome podcast, Articles of Interest.

So I guess you're wondering what pockets have do you with coaching?

Well, I’ve been thinking recently about the tools we need to move ahead with our projects. 

Women often think they need to have everything mastered, integrated and assimilated into every fiber of their body in order to be legitimate, comfortable and prepared. 

Maybe it has to do with the diminishing size of pockets over time and the growing sense that men are better equipped for the challenges of the world than we are. 

Who knows.

But what interests me is this question:  What tools do you need to get you where you want to go with confidence and ease?

And when I say "tools" I'm not talking about hammers and nails and mending materials, in fact your tools don't have to be objects at all!

A client of mine recently described an "immaterial toolkit" that she created to collect “things” she knows are good for her as she journeys forward. 

• Friendships where she can be vulnerable and real

• Rituals that bring her immense joy

• Experiences that spark curiosity and enable growth

• Mindsets that are benevolent and constructive

They’re all tucked away in her toolkit — safe, cosy and close. Carefully selected for the precious vitality they bring her. 

Once you know where you’re going, the next step is to choose the tools you need to help you get there. Venturing out ill-equipped just sets you up for pain and a whole lotta trouble.

You wouldn't head into the forest for an overnight in the wild without a compass, a sleeping bag, and some coffee for the morning after, right? That would be bonkers. 

So tell me, what tools do you want to put in your pockets to get you where you want to go? 

And here’s some more great reading about the politics of pockets

Introducing the wonderful world of Chez Cameil and the woman who built it

Following your gut. Listening to your dreams. Building your fantasy business. It’s wayyyy easier said than done.

You could be the most creative and focused person on the planet but when self-doubt, fear and insecurity pop up those dreams will scatter away to some safe little corner of your mind, or deep down on a to-do list that you’re sure to forget. 

That’s why I’m totally fascinated by people who find the clarity and confidence to follow through with their dreams, even when it scares the hell out of them…

Which is why I’d love to introduce to my friend Cameil Kaundart.

I met Cameil years ago while I was working for Yelp. She was running around the kitchen with a floral headscarf and a couple of trays of American cookies, testing recipes weeks before the launch of my friend Marc’s cafe, Bob’s Bake Shop. She greeted me with such an insanely warm vibe that I loved her immediately. 

Fast forward to today.

I’m officially the luckiest coach in Paris because I get to see Cameil (and her cookies) three days a week at the cozy new space she launched this Fall. Located in central Paris, Chez Cameil is a cheerful, colorful loft where people come for healthy food, yoga classes, lectures, events and other well-being services, like coaching and hypnosis. It’s where I see my clients three days a week and I absolutely love it!

But Chez Cameil was lodged in Cameil’s head for years as a “maybe-one-day-I’ll-finally-get-it-together-to-make-this-happen” kind of dream. 

I had Cameil on the phone this summer the day she had to tell the landlord whether she was going to take the space. It was not a light decision to make for loads of reasons that I’m sure you can relate to (self doubt, money, and the huge responsibility that come with following through) but on top of that she was also just separating from her French husband and reconstructing her identity as a single American on French soil. 

I so, so admire her for finding the clarity and courage to just go for it! So I’d thought I’d share her story with a little Q&A with her below about how she made it all happened. Hope you find Cameil as inspiring and fascinating as I do!

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Q&A with Chez Cameil Founder Cameil Kaundart

What exactly is Chez Cameil for you and what do you want people to experience here?

Chez Cameil is a manifestation of my dream to create a community where all people feel welcome to take care of their well-being, practice yoga, celebrate healthy food, share their ideas, emotions and desires.

My goal is to create a family atmosphere, where people can gather and feel ‘at home’, where they can take the time to rest, refresh their minds and grow in an open and collaborative space.

Chez Cameil was a dream of yours for some time. How did you know that this was the right time to go for it? 

You know that feeling when something you want scares you, but you just know you have to go for it? It’s the moment you’ve been asking the universe for, putting all that hard work into mentally, spiritually and physically and now it’s right here in front of you. I had that moment and I took it.

I’d been working on the idea of Chez Cameil for a good five years, and it wasn’t until just last year that I finally narrowed it down to the version it is today, many thanks go to my good friend Gwen. She really helped me turn my idea from one giant cloud to a nice streamlined lighten bolt. 

I was working away on the business plan when my husband and I decided to separate. I was then not only looking for a space for Chez Cameil, but also looking for a new home. 

I’ve always been good at working, being focused on a goal and doing whatever it takes to get it done, but in that moment I realized my work was all I had. I had lost my couple and now only had myself and my work, so I went into extreme Cameil mode. Those of you who know me may be laughing, thinking she is always in crazy organized Cameil mode. Lol 

Knowing that I was on my own again after eight years of sharing my life with someone put me into survival mode and I spent all my time looking for a space and developing Chez Cameil as if my life depended on it.  Let's face it, life is easier when you are two and have the support of family or a partner. I live far from my family. 

So, in one month I started a crowdfunder with KissKissbankbank that eventually raised 10,000€. They kept telling me that no one ever raises that much money. I would not take no for an answer and insisted that I could do it, and did!  

I felt like life was testing me, so I decided to turn all the sadness, anger and confusion I had into fuel to finally do what I had been wanting to do for sometime.

It was my moment of rebirth and I am forever grateful for it. My now ex-husband has been a great support and we remain friends, but sadly it took us separating for me to be pushed into that moment of fear and then overcome it and turn it into something beautiful that I can now be proud of.

Many people struggle to find a professional path that brings them joy and is in total sync with who they are, their values and natural skills. How did you figure that out?

Through a mix of trials and gut feelings. 

I was an English major, working at a café as a Barista in Seattle where I would occasionally bake cute goodies.  The owner insisted that I go to culinary school and bought me all the tools and books I needed to sign up, so I kind of had to.

After signing up and dropping my English major, I decided I should at least work in a kitchen first before paying all that money on schooling. So I went around asking all the top restaurants in Seattle if I could work for free for a week to see if I liked this as a profession.

After a long list of rejections, a wonderful restaurant accepted my funny offer. I loved it, and them me. I stayed there for five years working my way up from the bottom cookie scooper to cake decorator to pastry chef. Thanks Dhalia Lounge! I’ve been cooking every sense. 

However, I am no longer a pastry chef.  I feel I tell a lot of people this but Ill tell you too: We need to be evolving constantly. “The only constant in life is change,” says Albert Einstein.

I am not the same chef I was 10 years ago nor the same person I was a year ago, so why should my job be the same? All the years of life experience I have created for myself have shaped me into this person I am now. I feel like I have been simply, by trial and error, taking what I like from each experience I have had in my life to create a synergy that aligns with my work.

I’m not saying it’s easy. It takes quitting jobs, taking big risks, self-confidence, and a good support system, being selfish at times and failing and trying again. 

I was once told I was like the film “Yes Man,” because you could offer me any job and I was always up for the challenge.  I was never scared to trust myself, I knew I could learn something from this experience and apply it to the next.  So over the past 10 years I have been doing just that. 

You talk a lot about listening to your intuition and knowing when something feels right. How do you connect with those sensations? 

I spent a lot of time building a better relationship with myself over the past years and asking myself the right questions. What scares me about being single again? Where do I want to be in a year? What’s important to me?  Asking these kinds of questions and really sitting with myself until I find the answers. Using meditation and journaling have been very helpful tools for me.  When I feel my intuition is clouded I often retreat to an Ashram or a quiet place to be alone for as long as I can be with my thoughts to work it out. 

Also, since I was a little girl, I’ve had very visual dreams and I’ve always looked to them for answers in my day-to-day life. 

Two dreams in particular have changed my life. 

In my early 20’s I died in a dream, but died really enjoying this weird bouncing bridge in the middle of a big beautiful lake surrounded by trees and woke up fearless and decided to leave Seattle and travel around South East Asia for four months. And it was not until four years ago that I realized the true meaning of the dream, but that’s a whole other story for another time. 

The second, a few short months later, it’s my first week of my trip in South East Asia and I get very sick in Bangkok. I had a dream that I was on a train in the middle of grey rainy French winter. There was no sign saying I was in France or flags, but I just new I was in France and I remember, in my dream, getting off the train in the crummy weather and feeling the happiest I had every felt. 

So the next morning I went to a travel agency and bought a ticket to Paris France.  I spent the next four months traveling all over South East Asia and planning what I would do in France as I did not speak French, then went to Seattle, sold all of my things, came to France where I worked on a farm for three months learning to make cheese, then hitch hiked around the south of France, moved into the oldest all women’s squat in Berlin, decided I wanted to stay longer in Europe, so started to look for work as a chef and ended up finding a job as a nanny in Marseille for a lovely family who I am still dear friends with now, moved to Paris with them, fell in love and the rest is history all thanks to literally following a couple dreams. 

They say the answers to all our questions are inside we just need to be quiet and listen. 

What do you do when you experience fear or doubt as you develop your dream business?

I use Mantra repetition or Japa as we call it in Yoga. This has saved me so many times. I also have a wonderful group of friends, that I who knows where I would be without their ears to listen to all my crazy ideas and fears, also I am a firm believer in long baths.

I remember very clearly on my last trip of the yachting season this September, taking a brake on the beach between services and having a small freak-out about all the things I needed to do to get Chez Cameil up and running. So I closed my eyes did a mini Savasana/Corpse pose (similar to mediation only lying down on the back) and started repeating a mantra. I honestly do not remember what I had chosen, it could have been something simple, like Intuition, relax or strength. I kept repeating it to myself then did a fifteen minute silent Savasana and after my thoughts were clear and I was able to prioritize the huge list of things I needed to do and felt ready to start tackling them and crossing them off one by one. 

Negative self-talk will kill you. I try to focus on the positive, make a plan, write it down and never be scared to ask for help.  

What’s on the horizon?

I am always working on a bunch of projects as I love creating things, bringing people together and sharing. We have lots of wonderful workshops, book clubs, cooking classes, Yoga retreats and weekends coming to Chez Cameil with all the new collaborators and myself. Then on the side, I am also helping two lovely young gentlemen from Marseille open a Vegan Burger restaurant, there is a possible cookbook in the future with my dear friend Marc and maybe even joining a rock band.  I am excited to watch the evolution of Chez Cameil and myself over the next year.  So much of has changed just in the past six months and I am feeling truly loved, blessed and ready for whatever comes next. 

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I have the enormous honor of seeing my clients at Chez Cameil. If you’d like to learn more about my services click the button below.

Creepy Stroller Stage Prop

The red-headed drag queen with the never-ending legs, gold glitter eyeshadow and pointy stilettos kept appearing on stage with a khaki-colored baby stroller from the 50s. 

Just like that creepy Rosemary’s Baby stroller with the devil’s baby inside. 

What the hell was that stroller doing there all of the time? 

Were the songs all about babies? Collateral from previous relationships? Reflections on responsibility and independence? The pursuit of liberty? Growth and transformation?

I had no clue.

All of the songs performed that night were by an old-school French composer named Jean-Jacques Goldman that none of us American expats in my entourage had ever heard of. (side note: a friend chose the campy drag show as a fun offbeat activity for a birthday celebration, and it was a BLAST!). 

When the stroller appeared on stage for the third time, my friend Ajiri leaned over and whispered the exact question that was running through my mind for the last 45 minutes: “What’s the deal with the stroller?”

Then I looked carefully and realized that the stroller wasn’t just a bizarre prop, but a makeshift stand for the drag queen’s song lyrics. That’s why she was always singing to the stroller!

I shared my discovery with Ajiri and we both agreed how freaking brilliant that was, and here’s why:

1. Evaluate & focus on the essentials, even if it means making some adjustments:
   Since the performances at Madame Arthur change each week, the drag queens only have a few days to learn their songs. (next week: Barbra Streisand). That means they either have to sweat their sweet cheeks off all week memorizing those boring lyrics or come up with another way to put on a great show. My  guess is that they have better things to do between shows and feel like the stroller/lyric stand is a fabulous and cryptic work around for saving their precious time.
   

2. Don’t let memorizing lyrics hold you back from being a diva onstage (aka process over perfection):
   One of the amazing things about working with constraints is how it forces you to get creative. We think we have to master everything, be an expert, reach that perfect (unattainable) place, that we never try anything for fear of failing and looking like a fool! But what’s so amazing about recognizing your limits is that you can get creative with what is in your control, and surprise yourself and others and bring a whole lot a joy to the process but just saying, “This is where I am now and this is what I’ve got. Enjoy!”
   

3. Perfection is boring. Share your eccentricities and imperfections to inspire and empower.
   By doing/being who you are (limits, strollers and all) instead of waiting for the magic wand to make you perfect, you’ll create a ripple effect around you that inspires others to let their hair down and loosen up a bit. You can role model anything you want, including authenticity. And guess what. People see it and love it. Myself included. I’m now inspired to find my creepy stroller prop for my next scary challenge: getting on stage and singing at an open mic jam at a rock school performance with my husband (he’s a rock teacher for kids and adults and has convinced me that this will be fun!). I’m freaking out but also really want to do it. 
   

So what do you think my creepy stroller prop should be?

And more importantly, what creepy stroller prop do you need to create to try that thing out that you think you’re not ready for?