Override the panic button

I was in bed with an elephant on my chest. It wasn't the first time I felt that kind of pain. It had been going on for a few days. Should I tell my husband about it? Or was it all in my head? 

My father-in-law had passed away a year prior from a sudden heart attack. He had had pain in his stomach for a few days that were the early signs that something was wrong. He didn't catch them fast enough. 

Was I doing the same? Was I having a silent heart attack?

I caved in and told my husband who calmly said it was probably nothing but that I should get it checked out. 

It was cold in my doctor's office. I kept my winter coat on in the waiting room as I scrolled mindlessly on my phone. 

It was early January 2018, and I had just tipped into the second and final year of my unemployment benefits. In one year I'd be 100% on my own. 

The date loomed in my mind. "Was I making the right decision to become a coach?" "Could I survive financially?" "Would I be any good at it?" 'Should I just go back to marketing?" "Should I answer some ads on LinkedIn?" "What if this is all a big waste of time and I lose these precious months of benefits to get a full time job?"

My doctor asked what was going on. I told him about the pain in my chest and that I was a bit stressed out because I had a tipped into the final year of unemployment while I transitioned to a new career and was spending my days in cafés drinking a million coffees while I built my coaching website. 

He examined me and then said, "You're not having a heart attack. Just stop drinking so much coffee and go back to your full-time job if you don't want the stress of owning your own business. It's hard." 

And that was that! 

I listened to just half of his advice. Can you guess which half, Zeva?

I was reminded of this story this week when a client had that deep, heavy feeling in her chest the day after she announced her new business to her contacts, and was debating whether to throw in the towel and go back to her old line of work.

I think she and I both experienced the "point of no return" panic button that our brains hit when they feel us tilting into a truly new territory. As you sink deeper and deeper in love with your new path, your brain starts freaking out like an old boyfriend trying to woo you back. 

"But wait, it wasn't all that bad, right?"
"You've had some time to relax and take a break, isn't it time just go back to what you know?"
"Play it safe."
"The unknown is scary and hard. Beware!"

All it takes is a sharp-witted doctor, a worried parent or a friend with a fab new promotion, to cue your brain to strum up its favorite fear-mongering phrases. 

I'm here to say: don't let your fears lead you off your path! Listen to them, welcome them, but explore what's really going on under the surface.

What do you really need right now? 

Very often you're just looking for a concrete sign that you are moving in the right direction, and need a friendly reminder to ease off the caffeine!

Get into your growth groove

It was the official rentrée, the first chaotic day of reality after a long summer break. 

We were walking among perfectly-coiffed kids with their new backpacks and outfits on their way to school when I glanced over and saw my toddler hobbling along with his heels hovering in the air. 

“Shit!” I said to my husband. “We forgot to get him new shoes.”

My son was so obsessed with his red suede Adidas we conveniently overlooked him busting out of them. 

Next day at the shoe store, we embarrassing learned he had grown, not one, but two shoe sizes! Needless to say when he put his new sneakers (Adidas, again!) he was reborn.

Ripping his beloved pacifier out of his mouth big-boy style, he started running — down the ailes, down the street, to the park, around the park. Tirelessly, enthusiastically, like he had a new set of Duracell batteries on full blast.  

It was a total and immediate energy upgrade. 

As a kid, things like new shoes are empowering evidence of your growth. Your potential. Your energy. Your strength. 

But what happens as an adult? When the changes in your body no longer signal empowering growth? What other signs define it?

Since la rentrée kicked off there’s been a common theme among the people I’ve met with. 

Growth. And the desire for more of it day-to-day. 

As a coach, when I hear someone talk about big concepts like "growth" my next move is to dig in and investigate just what it means: 

• How do you know when you’re growing? 

• What do you need to grow?

• What does it look like? 

• What does it feel like?

• What does it allow you to do?

To one woman I spoke with it means working transversally across different formats and departments and having the freedom to innovate and bring value in her own unique way.

To another it means transforming theoretical concepts into tangible actions and making a concrete impact in the word.

To another it means going super deep and developing her skills and proficiency in a specific field. 

Here’s what’s important to remember about the growth groove: it’s not a one-size-fits all concept. 

It means something different to us all. 

But it is a mindset that needs nurturing if you want to feel alive. 

Without growth, you wind up feeling dullness, stagnation, inaction, sluggishness. 

The very feelings that make you want to curl up and call in sick for a few days, or even a few weeks. 

In France insurance companies and the government are freaking the hell out. Since the beginning of 2018 there’s been a 6% increase in medical leave payments. 

The cause? No one can say for sure, but the government thinks employees are feeling more and more stressed out and crappy at work and they want companies to do something to fix that (or start paying the bills).  

Growth isn’t a blanket panacea. I'm not suggesting that it's the end-all solution to a suffering system. 

But I do believe that companies should spend more time observing and asking questions about the type of growth that each employee craves. 

It’s likely not what they think it means to their employees (moving up the ladder, getting more vacation time, or a bigger salary). It could be a lot simpler than that. 

My suggestion?

If you’re a manager and are struggling with team burn-out: 
Get to know the growth needs of each person on your team. Spend quality time on this. Look for concrete examples. Observe trends. In what context does your employee thrive? When do they limp around like a toddler in tight shoes? 

If you are thinking about making a professional change because you’re not growing:
Get crystal clear on what growth means, looks and feels like to you in your quest for self-realization. 

So tell me dear reader, what’s your new pair of Adidas like? How do they look? What do they feel like? And what do they allow you to do?  Leave a comment below or send an email to: zeva@zevabellel.com

What is lâcher prise and how can you find yours in time for summer?

I’m not someone who gets easily riled up. I have a pretty even temperament.

So when I feel my insides start to boil up and spill all over the stovetop, I try to slide my pot off the heat source, cool down, and get a sense of what’s going on. 

That's often easier said than done. For example, during my coaching certification my emotions were on a steady, rolling, boil. 

I was being pulled so far out of my comfort zone on such a regular basis that my natural defense system was desperate to get some order in the court. 
 

What specifically got me so hot and bothered?

Feeling completely and totally out of control. 

I wanted so bad to know everything about coaching, be an instant master, understand the complete history of the field, and basically be the best coach in the world. All in one week. What?? What’s so crazy about that? 

My mentor-coach, Caroline, had the uncanny ability to see through skin. One day when I was particularly vocal about my frustrations, she said, “I hear you, but what would happen if you decided to trust the process and let go?” 

My eyes started to swirl around in their sockets like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. 
 

Trust the process? Let go? how the hell do you do that?

How do you let go when you want something so bad? How do you let go when your instincts tell you that the more you control what you want, the faster you’ll get it?

I went through the same thought-process when I was trying to have my first baby. It was taking us a very long time to conceive. Years. It was all I could think about. The subject of every conversation. The motivation behind every decision.

And everyone kept telling me to stop thinking about it. But I was like, how do you NOT think about the thing you want most? Any why should I try?

The answer has to do with how our brain budgets the distribution and flow of energy. If we focus on what we lack, what we're desperately trying to control, on all that's missing in our search for perfection, we'll fuel those thoughts until they shape our reality both emotionally and physically. 

This brings me to one of the best French inventions ever. Not wine, not cheese. But the concept of lâcher prise. 
 

Ah, "lâcher prise," just saying the word and my heart stops racing, the knots around my nerves start to relax, their grip softening until a calm wave of "whatever" starts to rise up in its place.  

In French the term literally means “release the grip.” In English we'd say "let it go."

"Prise" in French also means "electrical socket," so the image that comes to my mind when I say "lâcher prise" is of someone ripping a cord out of the wall. 

Removing an external energy source. Unplugging. 
 

Let the energy come from the inside, instead of the outside. 
 

I just did a visualization workshop and “lâcher prise” came up over and over again as a desired attitude, or mindset in order to move deep goals forward calmly, without stress or anxiety. 

"Lâcher prise" has become a metaphysical Holy Grail. There’s even a new floral elixir from Bach dedicated to lâcher prise in order to free “prisoners of fixed ideas and obsessions.”

While I’m sure the elixir is wonderful, there’s is, however, no one-size-fits-all spritz solution to cultivating "lâcher prise."

It's about identifying and letting go of fears, letting go of negative thoughts, cultivating confidence and trust (in yourself, and in others), developing your curiosity, your patience, your intuition, and your genuine belief that you will find the answers at your own pace and on your own agenda. 

So here are some questions that might help you find your personalized potion for lâcher prise:

• What are you desperately holding on to? 
   
• How is that important to you?


• What would happened if you loosened your grip on that  just a wee bit?
   
• Where would you feel that in your body?
   
• How would that softening impact you emotionally?
   
• What changes might that provoke in your life professionally and personally?
   
• What can you easily start doing today to loosen things up a bit? 
   
• What support do you need to start? 

As always, I am here for you in your "lâcher prise" journey. Hit reply or leave a comment and let me know where you could benefit from some "lâcher prise" in your life.

And it goes without saying that no matter where you are in the world, you should definitely start using that term on a regular basis.