Personal Development

How to get over self-sabotaging thoughts and feelings? Part 3 of 3.

How to get over self-sabotaging thoughts and feelings? Part 3 of 3.

This is the final instalment of a three-part series about limiting beliefs: how to identify them, uncover their emotional power, and ultimately transform them into thoughts that “spark joy" and help you move forward with meaning. Click here to read the first part and here to read the second part. 


A bow-tied Jiminy Cricket with a head full of question marks

A black, viscous, oily splotch 

An oval face with empty eyes and a gaping mouth

A green carnival mask 



Are these clues from a dated detective board game? 

Or elusive fragments from an epic dream?


All good guesses, but they’re actually illustrations of limiting beliefs drawn by some of my clients. 


And they play a critical role in how to send your self-sabotaging thoughts and emotions packing in order to free up space for those that spark joy instead.  


Before we get into that, let's recap what we’ve uncovered in these last two blog posts:

  • We learned how to detect thoughts and beliefs that are self-sabotaging and fear-based.

  • We learned how those thoughts and beliefs trigger emotions and then actions.


I’m not sure which beliefs you’d like to transform, but let’s play with one that many women hear with the volume on full-blast. 


“I’m not good enough.”


Did you know that if women don’t feel 100% qualified for a position they won’t apply for it, while men apply if they think they meet just 60% of the job criteria?


That’s exactly how a limiting belief like “I’m not good enough” can translate into emotions such as fear and insecurity which then trigger actions (or inaction in this case). 


So how do we go about unraveling that belief, or at least diminishing its grip on our lives? Click over to find out.

Taboo vaccines and fear inoculations

Taboo vaccines and fear inoculations

She looked down at the screaming woman’s face and instantly felt her stomaching tightening up into a tense little knot.  

The fierce and wild expression seemed out of place with all of the softer pictures and words in her collage.

Like someone else had stuck it there by accident, or worse, glued it there intentionally to make her sick.

Over the last few weeks I’ve done four vision board workshops and spoke with dozens of women about what they see in their collages.

Each collage is made up of cut-out images and words that my clients choose quickly and then edit and arrange on their boards with care.

When the collages are all done and everyone has started talking about the lovely things they see in their boards, I shift speed and throw out a doozy of a question. 

What part of the collage makes you feel uncomfortable?

That was the question I asked that led us to “the scream.”

The question hits hard, especially since all of the other questions are as sweet and cuddly as a basket full of puppies. 

It’s my favorite question. (And no, I’m not a sadist.)

So, why do I love that question so much?

Anne-Sophie Roquette finds her "pelote de laine" at L'Atelier13

Anne-Sophie Roquette finds her "pelote de laine" at L'Atelier13

Pelote de laine


It means “ball of yarn” in French.


And it's crazy how often my clients use that expression in our sessions. 


Not because they’re knitters, or obsessed with sweaters, or particularly manual. 


But because unraveling their web of fears and desires feels a lot like untangling a jumbled ball of yarn. 

You know what I mean, right? When you're searching desperately for that little thread at the beginning of the spool so that those tight intersections can start opening up and letting loose?


And when your fingers finally it everything starts to settled down —your shoulders relax, your eyes soften, your breath calms down. The relief and satisfaction is huge. At last, you can start getting on with your stuff!

I'm fascinated by the “pelote de laine” stories of everyday women who figure out how to loosen up their tangled web of interests and doubts and confidently put their ideas into action. 


That's why I’d love to introduce you to Anne-Sophie Roquette, founder of the French fashion and accessories brand L’Atelier13, who found her career calling by listening to what her fingers were telling her as they worked through a real “pelote de laine.” 


Read my interview with this super inspiring women who went from corporate life to entrepreneurialism while raising three small kids. 

Tools in Your Pockets

Tools in Your Pockets

Pockets. They’re designed to keep useful tools close by. Against the body. Like an appendage. So that when you need to jot something down. Remember a task. Fix something. Hold something for later. You don’t have to scramble around like a basket case trying to find it. 

Or rely on someone else for help. 

In short: they help you be better at being you.

Up until the French revolution women had large pockets tucked under their voluminous skirts that were large enough to hold books, mending materials, writing devices, and even lunch. 

But as fashion became more streamlined, women’s pockets moved off the body and into handbags. 

More distant. Easier to misplace. Or have stolen. Making essential tools harder to find and more difficult to access in need. 

Pockets speak to this question of preparedness, and your ability to move in public and to be confident. It’s really difficult to get around if you don’t have what you need, and it’s about, I think it’s about mobility and movement in public,” says Hannah Carlson, a lecturer at the Rhode Island School of Design who was interviewed about the politics of pockets in the awesome podcast, Articles of Interest.

So what do pockets have do you with you?