Neuroscience Nuggets #5: Emotional Guessing Game
Novak Djokovic, the world’s #1 men’s tennis player and potentially G.O.A.T, rarely shows emotion unless he’s smashing rackets, violently screaming, or accidentally hitting balls at line judges. (Honestly, I’m not a fan though I totally respect what an outstanding athlete he is.)
Yet on Sunday night, as he teetered on the imminent edge of unexpected defeat, the crowd at the US Open Final match rose to its feet to encourage him on, shouting his nickname "Nole, Nole, Nole" in unison.
Novak smiled, waved to the crowd and then did something completely out of character: he showed he was a real human being.
Peaking out from beneath his towel as he wiped the sweat from his face, viewers caught sight of a twisted, anguished mouth that looked like it walked off a Francis Bacon painting.
It became suddenly clear that the typically stoic, unflappable super athlete was having a big, ugly, uncontrollable cry.
And it was shockingly beautiful.
But what was it? What exact human emotion was Novak expressing?
Was it joy from feeling the love and support of a hard-knocks crowd that usually jeers at him?
Was it the dread of letting everyone down?
Was it a release of the weight of expectation?
Was it frustration and fear?
Was it physical pain?
Exhaustion?
The truth is that no one besides Novak could really know what the tears were about because, and here comes today’s neuroscience nugget: emotions aren’t uniform, universal reactions to life that have ready-made ways of showing up on our faces and in our bodies.
You can’t know what someone is feeling just by looking at them.
You may think that when you look at someone's face you can understand exactly how they feel. But in fact your brain is guessing, and it's using your own past experiences to make those guesses.
We construct our own emotional experience, and our perception of others’s emotions, on the spot.
“Emotions are your brains’ best guess of how you should feel in the moment,” explains neuroscientist and author of How Emotions Are Made, Lisa Feldman Barret.
They're your brain’s “creations” of what your bodily sensations mean in relation to what is going on around you in the world, and those “creations” are the sum of three distinctly subjective ingredients:
Your internal bodily cues (heart rate, muscle contraction, temperature, etc)
Your external surroundings (what you see, hear, smell, taste, touch)
Your past experiences (and how those past experiences compare to the present)
“Our emotion concepts vary widely from culture to culture. They come with a rich set of rules, all in the service of regulating your body budget or influencing someone else’s," says the founder of The Neuroscience School, Dr. Irena O’Brien. "That’s why we shouldn’t assume that we know how someone else is feeling from their facial expression or body language."
So what do Novak's mysterious tears have to do with you?
It’s easy to assume you know someone’s emotional state through observation, but you’re really just guessing through your own experiential lens. If you want to know what someone is truly feeling, you need to ask them.
Be it your boss, your spouse, your kids, your friends, you shouldn't assume that any one can correctly read the emotions you’re feeling either. Best way for them to know what you’re feeling is to go out on a limb and tell them.
So, what emotion was Novak truly expressing on the courts? Click here to hear all about it from the "Joker" himself.